Monday, September 12, 2016

The Alarm

Today we had to write about a short clip we watched. Our goal was to describe IN DETAIL what we saw. This was just a practice so then when we wrote our own stories, we know how to write in detail and don't forget to leave things out. It helps the reader get a picture in their head, like a movie, of what I am writing.

This is the clip we used.
(Only the first 1 minute - about the boy sleeping through his alarms)

This is what I wrote.
The gentle breeze blow through the open window the curtains waved softly through the window that had speeding wind with a screaming beautiful radio the clock schimley changed to 700 but before  it was 659 amso it was to tell him to wake up causa his amazing song that tried  to make him calm so when his song came up he was so tired causa he came back from school at 5.00 in the morning so after his munits his teacher said  you can go home and have a sleep causa you did get to sleep that is why he was sleeping the whole time when his song came up he turned it off so he can go to sleep so he woke up to eat then he got his amazing silver gan to shot his watch so it dazint have to make any noise spawned but he still had his radio that can tell them to still wake up so he did not no so the next day he was woken up causa his radio alarm on the radio so he was so so mad that he really wanted to shot it but he did not throw it out cause he won't be able to wake up for school early so he did not shot it but when he was sleeping he was dreaming of him not learning so he woke up so he said that was just a dream he said so he went back to sleep.                

Do you think I have described what happened in lots of detail?
Please leave me a comment to let me know if I did achieve my goal or not?

1 comment:

  1. Hi Maria, you made a great start to this story using lots of detail like the gentle breeze, the open window, curtains waved softly.
    In the middle part, you are talking about stuff that didn't happen in the movie.. I like that you tried to give some background as to why the boy was sleepy, but this was not your goal for this lesson.

    One thing to work on is checking your sentences. I'm sure you had these in your book when you wrote it, but maybe forgot to put in full stops, commas, capital letters when you typed it up. This is something we can work on together.

    Miss Ashley